- Ben Folds, always with the joking, and the laughing, and the mediocre music-ing.

- I’m not too sure if you swing this way, but I was wondering if you’d like to blow this joint and head back to my place. I could prepare a fire and we could relax in front of the computer and watch Tim and Eric on The Tom Green Show. I saw you sitting here and I knew I’d regret it in the morning if I didn’t ask.

- I’d like to introduce you to an interesting opportunity that people are talking about. Before you say anything, I’ll give you a little more information – it involves courage, a dream and more free internet than you can shake a stick at. Allow me to introduce the Wi-Fi Liberator.

- Oh, and George Carlin is still too smart for his own good. There’s no joke there, he’s just brilliant.

- Are you having a nice day? I hope so. Know what? Do something for me, would’ya? Turn off the computer and wrap yourself in your favorite blanket. You know the one. It’s warm and inviting and it leaves you with a feeling like no other. Why don’t you kick back and relax, after all it’s cold outside and sometimes you need to just have some “me time.” I hope that when you turn the television on you’re greeted with the surprise of an extended commercial free marathon of your favorite television program. And I hope that just as you become drowsy you indulge in a calorie-filled binge of the finest chocolates and fancy treats which allows you to float into a sugar-induced coma. Why? Because when you wake up tomorrow EmoScene.com will ruin your day and I thought you’d like to ease into it.