Dethklok: The All But Unanswered Interview
Given the opportunity to hype the real Dethklok’s performance in Minneapolis by interviewing the fictional band seemed a perfect opportunity to revisit the Adult Swim series Metalocalypse, of which I had only seen once and (wasn’t immediately amused by). Upon catching up with the show a second time I found its humor entirely sobering as it not only jaggedly pokes fun at death metal and the business of mainstream music, but does so without leaving an overbearing satirical aftertaste.
A few days after my questions were submitted The Onion’s AV Club posted a similar interview with Comedians of Comedy member Brian Posehn leading the interview with Metalocalypse creator/writer Brendon Small. The lengthy dialogue offered a great look into the show’s focus and executed a ton of solid humor in the process:
“Brian Posehn: You make billions a year. What do you spend it on?
Nathan Explosion: That’s the question. What do you do? What do you get? Because you have to. You gotta buy stuff. We all want to get the iPhone, but we’re all locked into our plans for the next five or six years, so we got screwed. So no lie, we can buy ‘em, but we can’t use ‘em. Or we’ll still have to pay for our regular phone bill, so that’s kinda brutal. When you make a certain amount of money, you gotta put it somewhere. Sometimes it’s a good tax write-off if you just lose a bunch of money, so I’ll invest in, uh, meat infested with mad-cow disease. They made a recall of like 300,000 pounds of beef this week, then I called my stockbroker and I said, “Buy!” Just get it out of your pocket. Put it somewhere.”
See—funny, right? But as time passed, hope of an entertaining interview waned and eventually crashed as I was given, at best, some seriously weak sauce in terms of a response. Not to fault anyone here, but one reply honestly included the words “Great answer huh?” With that, I present Dethklok: The All But Unanswered Interview.
Chris DeLine: Straight up, is the band “borrowing” the idea of playing live behind a screen of the animated Dethklok on its upcoming tour from Gorillaz, or is it improving on the idea… much like Venom improved on Black Sabbath’s take on “metal”?
Response: (No response.)
CD: Earlier this year, Dimmu Borgir released In Sorte Diaboli which peaked at number one on the Norwegian album charts, making it both the first Norwegian death metal album to take the number one spot on the Norwegian charts, but on any album chart in the world. I mean, selling almost a hundred thousand copies of The Dethalbum is pretty metal and all, but is it metal-er than what Dimmu Borgir did?
Response: (No response.)
CD: The band is set to perform on the Adult Swim tour with …And You Know Us By The Trail of Dead. How does it feel to play harder music than Trail of Dead, but have a name that’s totally pussier?
Response: NOTE: The fictional characters cannot answer the above questions.
CD: What’s Dethklok mean anyways?
Response: William Murderface: It menas yer gonna die…doodily ding dong tick tock!
CD: Fiscally speaking, Dethklok has quite the legend surrounding it. Are the rumors fact or fiction: Dethklok has the 12th largest economy in the world?
Response: Nathan Explosion: Ask the guy in the suit and tie.
Response: Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Hey dat rhymes.
CD: Fact or fiction: The members of Dethklok have murdered more people with the sheer intensity of their music than Mayhem, Burzum, pretty much every Swedish death metal band ever—and the Beasts of Satan—combined?
Response: Fiction… Great answer huh?
CD: Fact of fiction: A young, impressionistic Nathan Explosion once caught a glimpse of Type O Negative lead singer Peter Steele’s Playgirl spread when he was growing up and has since had plastic surgery to resemble him?
Response: Fiction.
CD: Fact or fiction: The song “Birthday Dethday” is actually about neither birthdays, nor dethdays… but is rather a metaphor for the terrible tragedies in Darfur?
Repsonse: Fiction.
CD: Who would win a drinking contest between Nathan Explosion and Andre The Giant?
Response: Andre would.
CD: A bodyslam contest?
Response: Also Andre.
CD: Skwisgaar Skwigelf’s hands are rumored to be insured for ten billion dollars… have you ever thought of breaking them, collecting the insurance money and buying an island?
Response: No… That would be stupid… They are worth billions.
CD: What would owning an invisible guitar mean to your career?
Response: It would be the same except I would have an invisible guitar.
CD: Dethklok’s drummer, Pickles, was born in Wisconsin. How does that make you feel?
Response: Fine.
CD: Do you really think it’s wise to be playing a series of shows on college campuses nation wide? I’m not necessarily sure that America is ready for Dethklok, let alone some of its most weak spirited, pussified, non-metal loving citizens.
Response: In answering your statement-question… Uh… Yea I guess.
CD: If you could, sum up your career thus far in three words.
Response: Straight up.
(In my error I did make the mistake of asking reality-based questions with the first few stabs at getting the interview rolling…my bad)
Dethklok rules. If I could suck on the entire bands’ cocks at one time, I would. But… I know my mouth couldn’t possibly be big enough. There’s no way.
..even Murderface. Just kidding. But seriously.
I’d like to suck on pickle’s cock while he’s passed out on the floor. Mister Pickle! he is my sex toy fantasy pickle! mmm and then i’d force his own vomit down his throat and smack him mmm.
dethklok rules! and stuff. hi everyone, good to see ya and stuff. so uhhhh….you gonna do your thing or what? oh yeah just askin’ take care
your a dumbass why would you ask those stupid ass questions?fuck you o ya especially the one about the invisable gutair,ur fuckin idiot.
Don’t blame Dethklok for the bad interview. You were a bad interviewer.