What the Punk?! Kerrang! Sucks the Life out of Life
Lists are beautiful and painful for a number of reasons; reasons which are, well, also beautiful and painful. At times they are thought provoking, shocking and insightful—beautiful, right? But the most important reason lists matter, especially in terms of music, is because of general comparison. It becomes a matter of not simply your tastes and preferences against mine, but yours against everyone else’s once you publish your list. However many times lists become typical, safe and downright boring—which are sometimes the best way to go if the purpose is to lack depth, avoid surprise and depress insight. The riskiest part of publishing a list and in particular stepping from outside of groupthink list making, however, is the risk taken by announcing your preference without any abashed swagger. It is similar to voting in public without having the luxury of hearing anyone else’s votes; which can be a horrible thing if you were to, say, forget what you were voting on halfway through the vote.
Hundreds of thousands of lists are created and published each year and the year’s end a key time for not only creating but reading. Year end lists overcome media outlets, big and small, as everyone with a willing voice looks to figure their place within the social and cultural in-the-know.
A list, and the list in mention, has been composed for an upcoming issue of “The World’s Biggest Selling Weekly Rock Magazine” Kerrang! entitled “The Fifty Greatest Punk Albums of All-Time;” a list so truly awful that it would offend even Joel & Benji Madden. In the past half-decade though, it follows the likes of SPIN, Mojo and Revolver in pursuing the “punk list” Holy Grail.
In general, most lists will be forgotten quickly, as has been the case forever, but what happens when a list is revealed to be so horribly mistaken and under-analyzed? We begin to over-analyze. What in the hell was the purpose of not simply attempting to top those which preceded it, but furthermore what was the purpose of putting two Offspring and one Blink-182 albums in the top twenty during the process?
SPIN: (50) Public Enemy “It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back” (49) Various Artists “Soundtrack: Repo Man” (48) Various Artists “Oi! The Album” (47) Rage Against the Machine “The Battle of Los Angeles” (46) Dead Kennedys “Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables” (45) The Jesus and Mary Chain “Psychocandy” (44) Boredoms “Soul Discharge” (43) Ministry “The Land of Rape and Honey” (42) Green Day “Dookie” (41) Big Black “Songs About Fucking”
Mojo: (50) The Rezillos “Can’t Stand The Rezillos” (49) The Exploited “Punk’s Not Dead” (48) Butthole Surfers “Locust Abortion Technician” (47) Minor Threat “Out of Step” (46) The Fall “Live at the Witch Trials” (45) The Raincoats “The Raincoats” (44) Bad Brains “Rock for Light” (43) The Electric Eels “Having a Philosophical Investigation with…” (42) Dead Boys “Young, Loud & Snotty” (41) Sonic Youth “Bad Moon Rising”
Revolver: (50) Big Black “Songs About Fucking” (49) Agent Orange “Living in Darkness” (48) No Use for a Name “The Daily Grind” (47) Youth Brigade “Sink with Kalifornija” (46) Crass “Christ: The Album” (45) The Damned “Machine Gun Etiquette” (44) Rudimentary Peni “Death Church” (43) Lagwagon “Trashed” (42) Suicidal Tendencies “Suicidal Tendencies” (41) The Dickies “The Incredible Shrinking Dickies”
Kerrang!: (50) Killing Joke “Killing Joke” (49) G.B.H. “Leather, Bristles, Studs and Acne” (48) Poison Idea “Feel the Darkness” (47) A.F.I. “Black Sails in the Sunset” (46) Napalm Death “Scum” (45) Stiff Little Fingers “Inflammable Material” (44) Will Haven “El Diablo” (43) Green Day “Nimrod” (42) The Get Up Kids “Something to Write Home About” (41) Social Distortion “White Light White Heat White Trash”
How Kerrang! Compares?: Attempting to stomp some outsider credibility into the list with grindcore means little when doing so helps you slip “Nimrod” and The Get Up Kids into the list. Napalm Death denied.
It’s a Kerrang! Shame! 50-41: Historically relevant and influential bands are ignored by Kerrang! including Big Black, Suicidal Tendencies and The Dickies. How can a list, having anything remotely to do with the history of punk music leave out The Dickies Kerrang!? How?!
What Kerrang! Forgot: The Dickies “Paranoid (Black Sabbath cover)”
SPIN: (40) Wipers “Is This Real?” (39) Beat Happening “Beat Happening” (38) Devo “Q. Are We Not Men? A. We Are Devo!” (37) Pussy Galore “Groovy Hate Fuck” (36) The Pogues “Rum, Sodomy and the Lash” (35) Rancid”…And Out Come the Wolves” (34) Mission of Burma “Vs.” (33) Fugazi “13 Songs” (32) Mekons “Fear and Whiskey” (31) Sonic Youth “EVOL”
Mojo: (40) Nirvana “In Utero” (39) Generation X “Generation X” (38) Devo “Q. Are We Not Men? A. We Are Devo!” (37) The Jam “In the City” (36) Suicide “Suicide” (35) Ramones “Rocket to Russia” (34) Pere Ubu “The Modern Dance” (33) Vic Godard & The Subway Sect “Twenty Odd Years” (32) Television “Marquee Moon” (31) Sham 69 “Tell Us the Truth”
Revolver: (40) Dead Boys “Young, Loud & Snotty” (39) Avail “4 AM Friday” (38) Bouncing Souls “Maniacal Laughter” (37) The Muffs “The Muffs” (36) Gorilla Biscuits “Start Today” (35) Agnostic Front “Victim in Pain” (34) X “Los Angeles” (33) Minutemen “Double Nickels on the Dime” (32) Nirvana “Bleach” (31) 7 Seconds “Walk Together, Rock Together”
Kerrang!: (40) Supersuckers “The Evil Powers of Rock ‘N’ Roll” (39) Dwarves “Are Young and Good Looking” (38) Less than Jake “Hello Rockview” (37) Bad Religion “Suffer” (36) The Mighty Mighty Bosstones “Let’s Face It” (35) The Misfits “Static Age” (34) Sublime “Sublime” (33) The Descendents “Milo Goes to College” (32) Quicksand “Manic Compression” (31) Cro-Mags “Age of Quarrel”
How Kerrang! Compares?: Introducing ska is a bold move considering it is both mocked and glorified by many within punk, but by doing so with last wave ska leftovers instead of The Specials makes little to no sense. Either way, it’s overwhelmingly bold considering that strict ska might not even belong there in the first place.
It’s a Kerrang! Shame! 40-31: Remember how Kerrang! slipped up and forgot a few bands before? Guess which other bands you won’t find anywhere on Kerrang!’s list? The Minutemen, The Jam, Pere Ubu, Dead Boys, Sham 69, X, Television, Devo, Agnos… There are more, but my soul briefly started crying and I had to stop, I’m sorry.
What Kerrang! Forgo:
The Minutemen “Political Song for Michael Jackson to Sing”
Television “See No Evil”
Sham 69 “Hey Little Rich Boy”
X “Los Angeles”
SPIN: (30) The Germs “(GI)” (29) Bikini Kill “Pussy Whipped” (28) Meat Puppets “Meat Puppets II” (27) Minor Threat “Complete Discography” (26) Liliput “Kleenex/LiLiPUT” (25) The Replacements “Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash” (24) The Fall “Hex Enduction Hour” (23) Various Artists “No New York” (22) The Minutemen “Double Nickels on the Dime” (21) Flipper “Album: Generic Flipper”
Mojo: (30) Johnny Thunders & The Heartbreakers “L.A.M.F.” (29) The Weirdos “Weird World Vol. 1″ (28) Alternative TV “The Image Has Cracked” (27) Crass “Feeding the 5000″ (26) Joy Division “Unknown Pleasures” (25) Richard Hell & The Voidoids “Blank Generation” (24) Wire “Pink Flag” (23) Discharge “Hear Nothing, See Nothing, Saw Nothing” (22) The Clash “London Calling” (21) The Undertones “The Undertones”
Revolver: (30) The Germs “(GI)” (29) Hüsker Dü “Zen Arcade” (28) Dropkick Murphys “The Gang’s All Here” (27) Fear “The Record” (26) Operation Ivy “Energy” (25) Blink 182 “Enema of the State” (24) Buzzcocks “Singles Going Steady” (23) Circle Jerks “Group Sex” (22) Cro-Mags “Age of Quarrel” (21) The Descendents “Milo Goes to College”
Kerrang!: (30) The Exploited “Punk’s Not Dead” (29) Rocket From the Crypt “Scream Dracula, Scream!” (28) Refused “The Shape of Punk to Come” (27) Operation Ivy “Energy” (26) The Vandals “Hitler Bad, Vandals Good” (25) Crass “Feeding of the 5000″ (24) The Ruts “The Crack” (23) NOFX “So Long and Thanks for all the Shoes” (22) Buzzcocks “Love Bites” (21) Bad Brains “Rock For Light”
How Kerrang! Compares?: Despite an overall love for everything NOFX, “So Long…” is a ridiculous pick considering the bands that were already left off the list in the previous two recaps… oh, and Rocket From the Crypt? Huh?
It’s a Kerrang! Shame! 30-21: Hüsker Dü… The Germs… Fear… Wire… Johnny Thunders AND Richard Hell? And people still wonder why the terrorists hate us.
What Kerrang! Forgot:
The Germs “American Leather”
Fear “Let’s Have a War”
Wire “12XU”
Richard Hell & The Voidoids “Blank Generation”
SPIN: (20) The Descendents “Milo Goes to College” (19) Sleater-Kinney “Dig Me Out” (18) Black Flag “Damaged” (17) Public Image Ltd. “Metal Box” (16) Bad Brains “Bad Brains” (15) The Slits “Cut” (14) Pere Ubu “The Modern Dance” (13) Nirvana “In Utero” (12) Richard Hell & The Voidoids “Blank Generation” (11) Joy Division “Unknown Pleasures”
Mojo: (20) Siouxsie and the Banshees “The Scream” (19) X-Ray Spex “Germ Free Adolescents” (18) Black Flag “Damaged” (17) The Adverts “Crossing the Red Sea with the Adverts” (16) The Damned “Machine Gun Etiquette” (15) Gang of Four “Entertainment” (14) The Saints “(I’m) Stranded” (13) New York Dolls “New York Dolls” (12) Stiff Little Fingers “Inflammable Materials” (11) Hüsker Dü “Zen Arcade”
Revolver: (20) Discharge “Hear Nothing, See Nothing, Say Nothing” (19) A.F.I. “The Art of Drowning” (18) Sick of it All “Blood, Sweat and No Tears” (17) Pennywise “About Time” (16) Bad Brains “Bad Brains” (15) The Misfits” Walk Among Us” (14) Refused “The Shape of Punk to Come” (13) Green Day “Dookie” (12) NOFX “White Trash, Two Heebs and a Bean” (11) Social Distortion “Mommy’s Little Monster”
Kerrang!: (20) The Offspring “Americana” (19) The Undertones “The Undertones” (18) The Stooges “Raw Power” (17) Minor Threat “Complete Discography” (16) Black Flag “Damaged” (15) The Stooges “Fun House” (14) Blink 182 “Enema of the State” (13) The Clash “London Calling” (12) Fugazi “Repeater” (11) NOFX “Punk in Drublic”
How Kerrang! Compares?: This is the moment in the list where it becomes glaringly apparent that the writers forgot what they were writing about. “Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)”…? “What’s My Age Again?”…? “What’s My Age Again?”…? “Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)”…? (curls fists…) Congratulations, you’ve just found the painful part if this list.
It’s a Kerrang! Shame! 20-11: Why bother. Who cares that Siouxsie and the Banshees, X-Ray Spex, New York Dolls, Joy Division… hell even Pennywise aren’t on the list? Wouldn’t it shock you more at this point in time if they were?
What Kerrang! Forgot:
X-Ray Spex “Oh Bondage Up Yours!”
New York Dolls “Personality Crisis”
Joy Division “Disorder”
SPIN: (10) Sex Pistols “Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols” (9) The Raincoats “The Raincoats” (8) Hüsker Dü “New Day Rising” (7) Gang of Four “Entertainment!” (6) Buzzcocks “Singles Going Steady” (5) X-Ray Spex “Germfree Adolescents” (4) X “Los Angeles” (3) The Clash “The Clash” (2) Wire “Pink Flag” (1) Ramones “Ramones”
Mojo: (10) Public Image Ltd. “Metal Box” (9) Dead Kennedys “Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables” (8) The Stooges “Raw Power” (7) Buzzcocks “Another Music in a Different Kitchen” (6) The Ruts “The Crack” (5) The Slits “Cut” (4) Ramones “Ramones” (3) The Damned “Damned Damned Damned” (2) The Clash “The Clash” (1) Sex Pistols “Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols”
Revolver: (10) The Stooges “Raw Power” (9) Dag Nasty “Wig Out at Denko’s” (8) Rancid “…And Out Come The Wolves” (7) Dead Kennedys “Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables” (6) Bad Religion “No Control” (5) Minor Threat “Minor Threat” (4) Black Flag “Damaged” (3) The Clash “The Clash” (2) Ramones “Ramones” (1) Sex Pistols “Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols”
Kerrang!: (10) Ramones “Ramones” (9) The Damned “Machine Gun Etiquette” (8) The Clash “The Clash” (7) Discharge “Hear Nothing, See Nothing, Say Nothing” (6) Rancid “…And Out Come the Wolves” (5) The Offspring “Smash” (4) Nirvana “Nevermind” (3) Dead Kennedys “Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables” (2) Green Day “Dookie” (1) Sex Pistols “Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols”
How Kerrang! Compares?: The denouement to shit. Worst list ever.
Its a Kerrang! Shame! 10-1: Oh, and no sign of Gang of Four or The Slits. But at this point in time it’s like hearing a borderline racist joke but by the end of it realize that the person telling it to you is completely ignorant. The list is horrible, but it started out a joke. If it had just completely gone insane with hipster chic such as the SPIN list, it would have made sense and we could have all had a laugh about it. Not to say that punk isn’t a laughing matter, but to flaunt yourself as an authority on rock music in general (re: “The World’s Biggest Selling Weekly Rock Magazine”) it is ridiculous to not simply overlook but completely cast aside any semblance of relevance or integrity. Well done Kerrang!, well done.
What Kerrang! Forgot:
Gang of Four “Naturals Not In It”
The Slits “Shoplifting”
SPIN “The 50 Most Essential Punk Albums” released May 2001
Mojo “Top 50 Punk Albums” released March 2003
Revolver “The 50 Greatest Punk Rock Albums Of All Time” released November 2003
Kerrang “The 50 Greatest Punk Albums” released December 2006
There’s absolutely no excuse for AFI. None.
kerrang… give me a one-half of a fucking break… a group home for the taste-addled… thank you for the music and do commence further culture-bullying…
Now.
…speechless. Maybe they thought it would be funny to have an album called “Dookie” at #2, but I’m thinking no.
COME ON. They have a relivent point I mean GreenDay was trying to do the same thing as The Sex Pistols, I mean GreenDay totally got banned in America right? No? Oh yeah that was the Sex Pistols in England, sorry for a minute there i was doing crystal meth.
Right on. Oh yeah, thanks for the blogroll.
Wow…. I know nothing about Punk… and I still don’t.
great post. for serious.
Ergh. I’d expect nothing more from a magazine who called Fallout Boy, The Academy Is…, and Panic! At The Disco “The New Punk Explosion”
I really like your anger on this one man. How you gonna not include The Stooges – Funhouse in the top 10. That shit was in 1970. Come on, the fucking pistols were a bunch of 13 and 14 year olds when Iggy created punk rock.
As I recall, that particular list was the Kerrang! Readers list, was it not?