Abusive relationships are not always physical. In fact, physical abuse is one of the least common forms of relationship abuse. It’s just the most violent and serious version. For most, the abuse is quiet and, as a result, far more nefarious. Someone who is getting hurt has physical evidence that others can see and, as a result, encourage them to take action. Those suffering from psychological and emotional abuse start to doubt themselves and their reality, which can make standing up for themselves nigh impossible.
A good way to look at this is as bullying. Bullying can result in severe psychological scars, even if it’s just “words”. Those words can destroy your sense of self and your confidence and result in you alienating yourself just for another dose of love bombing.
To understand more about how bullying can occur within relationships and what you should do about it when it does, use this guide:
They Make You Doubt Reality
It’s hard to get mad at someone when they constantly challenge your perception of reality. You can say that they said something harmful or did something bad, and they’ll make it seem like you overreacted and that you don’t remember it correctly. They may even get mad that you even suggested it. If you spot this behavior early on, you can put down firm boundaries and even start noticing the pattern enough to get out, but if they get under your skin, they can end up causing you to doubt how you feel, what you think, and everything else.
They Give You Unfair Ultimatums
Chances are, your friends or family hate your partner. They will once again make themselves into a victim in this situation and eventually start giving you ultimatums where they frame it like you leaving would make you a bad guy. They may threaten to commit suicide to make sure you stay. All of these tactics work to alienate and separate you from your support system so that you’re entirely dependent on them. This makes leaving hard. It becomes even harder if you have children.
They Are Highly Critical and Mean
Bully also comes in the form of criticism. There’s being helpful and helping a partner be a better person. Then there’s being critical of the way someone dresses, how they talk, and so on. They may make you feel like you’re an embarrassment and then flip around and say that they’re only saying these mean things because they love and care about you. Be careful because they’ll also be doing this to their children. That criticism and lack of empathy is common in narcissists and can destroy a fully grown adult’s confidence – much less a child’s.
What to Do About It
You need to get out as soon as you can and get your children out of the situation immediately. You’ll need to start therapy and get professional co parent counseling with a narcissist. You don’t have to face this battle on your own.
After all, you’ll have a lot of damage to untangle, both within yourself and within your kids. Childhood is such a pivotal moment for a child and a narcissistic bullying parent can destroy their self-esteem, their ability to form healthy relationships, and their image of themselves. Know you’ll very likely be running damage control for years afterward for both you and your kids the longer you stay.
You will want to do everything you can to ensure that your kids are protected throughout, and these resources online are a great place to start to help you get through this.
